Email from a Return Missionary

From time to time, I'd receive a letter from a previous mission companion who had since returned home. Inevitably the letter would include all the fun stuff that the onetime missionary was now doing with his newfound freedom. But deep down, I knew that if their post-mission life as great as they claimed then they wouldn't be writing me. As a missionary, I knew that they were secretly wishing they were in my shoes. Of course, I could have just been delusional.

What's in a Name?

Before I ever publish a gag on this website, it has to go through quality control. My wife is the final stay on what is or isn't blog worthy. Take today's gag, for example. When I tried this one out on her, it provoked a large groan. That was exactly what I was going for!

UPDATE: It looks like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir might be getting a new name after all. Not since I made a joke about the Enrichment program and the Church immediately renamed it has one of my gags been so timely.

Ultimate Sales Pitch

When I returned home from my mission, there was no part of me that wanted to sell pest control, security alarms, or whatever else stuff returned missionaries often find themselves hawking. I had just spent two years going door to door with the ultimate sales pitch and facing a lot more rejection than acceptance. Why would I ever want to try selling some far inferior product?*

*This is no knock on the various pest control systems, security alarms, or sets of knives other returned missionaries where selling; but compared to the everlasting gospel, they just didn't cut it.

Abraham and Isaac

I imagine that it would take some time before Abraham and Isaac's relationship would ever approach something normal. And it was probably true that Isaac would have been able to inflict quite a guilt trip on his dad should the need arise for the rest of his life.

It is also probably true that Isaac had servants that would have cleaned up his room for him making this comic completely inaccurate.

Bilingual

Today's strip comes from a story my trainer shared with me many, many years ago. Apparently this very thing happened to a couple of missionaries in my mission a couple of months before I arrived. I love it when I don't have to put any work into these things!

Top of the Mountain

A couple of years ago, I tagged along on a high adventure camp. We spent several days at the base of a rather large mountain. Cell service was pretty much non-existent. But, after climbing to the top of the mountain we discovered to our joy that emails, texts, and voicemails that we weren't able to access before were suddenly available again.

Had the young men on that camp known what was waiting for them at the top of that hike, we would have made it in half the time.

Not the Spirit

As often as this kind of stuff happens with the Elders, I've heard more stories from Sister missionaries experience these kind of awkward exchanges. (As well as the occasional marriage proposal.)