Dear John in the 21st Century

I knew a couple of missionaries who when getting "Dear Johned" gathered all the letters, gifts, and clothing given them by their now former girlfriends and burned them in a giant bonfire. Now that missionaries communicate almost exclusively via email, it has gotten a lot harder to exercise an ex.

Today's gag continues a tradition on this website I like to call the anti-Valentine's Day gag. (See examples here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.)