Latter-day Saint Gameshow

We've been doing two-hour church for over seven years and yet I'd guess most of us wouldn't be able to tell what class we're holding from one Sunday to the next.

(By the way, the gameshow host was inspired by this guy.)

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How 'bout more FTOYWDKM? (As if you had a choice.)

25-Minute Lessons

Are you guys ready for September? One hour sacrament meeting and then two 25-minute classes crammed into the next hour. Maybe practicing a few weeks in August isn't a bad idea.

Moby Dick at the Pulpit

I am so impressed with the responses to last week's caption contest. Clearly my readers are more culturally literate than me (all I know about Moby Dick I learned from watching Star Trek: First Contact). You are also so funny! As I commented to Kevin, my buddy cartoonist, after he ran a similar caption contest, "Isn't it a little discouraging that our readers are better at writing captions than us?" Kevin (being the mensch he is) wasn't at all discouraged but excited to have heard from so many capable gag writers.

Here, then, is the list of the gag writers that contributed to today's comic:

FTOYWDKM I’m not… (The Jack of all Carrs)
Do you know… (Klinton)
Knock, knock… (Eric V)
I'll close with… (Adam)
I'm a little jealous… (Klinton)
I had planned… (Adam)
“Call me Ishmael”… (The Jack of all Carrs)
I stand before you… (Eric V)
“A Big Fish” they say… (The Jack of all Carrs)
Whale, whale, whale… (Klinton)
Those opposed… (Adam)
For my 2 ½ minute talk… (Eric V.)
FTOYWDKM, and especially… (Klinton)
Love your enemies… (Adam)
“Fishers of Men”… (The Jack of all Carrs)
FTOYWDKM, call me Ishmael… (Eric V)
I better wrap up quick… (Sonny)
When the bishop asked… (jena_vdg)
I know I've been telling… (Brett Bates)
When your gospel hobby… (Craig N Kathie Haroldsen)
The Savior said… (Larry Hanson)

Christians to the Lions

This is as close to a political cartoon as you're going to get on this website--and it is only a couple of months late! In early June the Department of Defense revised the number of religious affiliations it recognizes from over 200 to 31. When the Department first presented its revised list, it failed to list the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a Christian faith. This caused enough of an uproar that the Department of Defense revised its list again, this time removing the "Christian" designation altogether (rather than including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in that designation). 

I have got so many thoughts on this story, but nobody's coming to this website to hear the political rantings of a cartoonist. So I'll just end with this: beware anyone who argues that the United States should be a "Christian" nation because chances are the person making that argument doesn't view you as a Christian at all.

Caption Contest: Moby Dick at the Pulpit

Think back to your high school English days and come up with a caption to today's gag. The contest closes the morning of Friday, July 31.

Pioneer Travel Time

It really is a shame the pioneers didn't have a handful of magical reindeer they could have hitched up their wagons to. Just eight of those guys* could have delivered dozens of wagons to the Salt Lake Valley in minutes (and just imagine everything the Saints could have brought if they'd also somehow managed to secure Santa's magic bag).

*Nine if there's fog.

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As the Apostle Paul taught in 2 Corinthians 13:1 "In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established." To that point, check out Kevin Beckstrom's post for Monday, July 13.

Your direction is clear, now stop starting your talks with FTOYWDKM!

Pioneer Trek by Sea

I'm shocked no one has thought of this yet. Youth Pioneer Trek participation would be through the roof!

Two hundred thirty-nine Saints left New York harbor in February 1846 and travelled around Cape Horn on the sailing ship Brooklyn finally arriving in San Francisco on July 31, 1846. The company of Saints joined the larger population of Latter-day Saints in Utah in 1848. 

Sketchbook Cage Match: Pioneer Trek

I had so much fun with the Sketchbook Cage Match last month that I want to do it again!

Last week, my wife, my son, and I joined out stake on pioneer trek. Trek is always good for a good joke, the question is: which one? Cast your vote for one (or none) to be published later on this website. Four go in, one comes out!

Sketch A: Rebranding the Pioneer Trail.

Sketch B: Trekking without cell phones.

Sketch C: Wrong intellectual property.

Sketch D: Wrong intellectual property 2: The Wrath of Kahn.

Cast your vote: A, B, C, D, or (if you are particularly grumpy) E--none of the above. 

Mountain of the Lord

July is the time of year where we make fun of our pioneer ancestors (and the youth cosplaying as them) on this website! The mountain of the Lord has got to be a whole lot less appealing when your pushing or pulling a heavy handcart up it.

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You thought I was joking about my one-person mission to end this talk introduction, didn't you? Nope. I can do this all day long.

Eternal Family or Eternal Road Trip

July is (of course) pioneer gags her on this webpage. The pioneer gags start next week. In the meantime let's celebrate the unique delight that is the family road trip. Believe me, I've felt like this before.

Babel Aeronautics

Thanks to everyone who participated in our latest caption contest (both out loud and in your hearts). Here is a list of my collaborators.

We're actually hoping... (Eric V) 
After the failed test... (Klinton)
I mean, I know... (B.J. Harrison)
I don't think our... (joelvandegraaff)
Whenever we meet... (Brian Crow)
I guess this plan... (jena_vdg)
All we have to do... (Connor Van De Graaff)

Personally, my favorite was was Brian Crow's which definitely had a New Yorker vibe to it, but they were all great!

Farewell Season

Despite being discouraged in the Church's handbook for 20+ years, missionary open houses are very much a thing where we live. It might be the most openly flaunted broken rule in the Church (my family isn't innocent either).

That said, we are definitely in mission farewell season now.

Caption Contest: Babel Aeronautics

It's time for another caption contest. Share your caption in the comment section.

Crying Repentance

Today's gag is featured in the June 2026 issue of the For the Strength of Youth magazine.

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I was worried that maybe this whole "For those of you who don't know me" was a Jell-O corridor phenomenon, but then I got a text from my friend and faithful reader Jon F. in Kansas City informing me that the first two testimonies in his sacrament meeting began this way. It's much bigger than I thought! We've got to get in front of it!

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam

Since the Primary would have you believe that you're only wanted for a Sunbeam until the January of your 4th year, it's not surprising that this guy would struggle with some unresolved trauma.

Sketchbook Cage Match: New Young Women Classes

My friend Kevin Beckstrom posts a gag from his sketchbook every Monday on his website. Like many of the jokes on this website, I decided to steal that from him.

You'd never believe it from the quality of jokes on this website, but the vast majority of gags I come up with in my sketchbook remain in my sketchbook. (Even I have standards.) That said, some of those rejected gags sit just on the cusp of being publishable worthy.

That's where my new feature "Sketchbook Cage Match" comes in! Every cage match will include a number of sketches for you to consider. Vote on one (or none) to be drawn for publication. Two or more go in, only one comes out!

Today we start with three gags featuring the three new names for the Young Women classes. Cast your vote for sketch A, B, C, or D (none of the above).

Sketch A: The Builders of Faith have replaced the class formerly named Beehives.

Sketch B: The Messengers of Hope have replaced the class formerly known as the Mia Maids.

Sketch C: The Gathers of Light are your new Laurel class!

Cast your vote: Does sketch A, B, or C survive. Remember: you cannot vote for more than one. Or are you feeling extra violent and vote D: none of the above!