Thursday, August 16, 2012

Video Game Merit Badge

In the past, I've had to verify through a little internet research that a ridiculous premise wasn't, in fact, a reality. For ideas like YouTube seminary and texting lessons from the Young Women, I spent a little time making sure that they didn't really exist.

For today's gag, I never bothered doing any such research because I figured there was no possible way it could be true. Imagine my surprise when between the interim of when I submitted this gag to the New Era and when the New Era ran it that the Boy Scouts went and created a Video Game merit badge for Cub Scouts.

I haven't looked closely at what a Cub Scout would have to do to earn this, but I'm pretty sure some of those requirements include:
  • Carry on a one-sided conversation with an uninterested party regarding a video game that lasts no shorter than three (3) hours.
  • Develop a thumb calloused thick enough to withstand a pin prick.
  • Go five (5) minutes without blinking while staring at the screen.
  • Recite twenty (20) video game-related one-liners and use them in the context of killing a video game bad guy.
  • Successfully convince a parent to purchase the newest video game consul using persuasive argument skills.
What do you think? Did I miss any?


  1. There is, after all, such a thing as church on tv. I love stumbling across those early 90s Provo sacrament meetings on BYUtv.

    1. As a kid, I used to get up early Sunday mornings and watch church. I was so proud of myself until my mom explained to me that Jimmy Swaggart wasn't our kind of church.

  2. - Go online and find all walk thru's and cheat codes.
    - Play online video games with a 35 year old guy in Milwaukee that still lives with his parents.
    - explain the merits of Halo and why it was a pioneer in the video gaming industry.
    - Abandon all friends and family for at least 4 weeks once the latest video game comes out and then emerge pasty white from your cave once you have triumphed. Then tell every one you know about all details for the next 4 weeks.

    1. Very good list, Joel. If you've done all this, you may be in line for an ex post facto scouting merit badge--you may get that Eagle Scout award after all!

  3. - Describe several career options as a professional gamer.
    - Describe each level of advancement in 3 different video games.
    - Explain how video gaming will help you with your typing skills.
    - Come up with 2 or 3 responses you can give when your parents call you for dinner and you haven't finished your tour yet.
    - Explain the following terms: snipe, cod, screen peeking, expunge, pillage, ult, warmogs, protoss, medivac, sloop, gg, glhf.

    1. Nice list, Clint. Based on this and this, I suspect there might be some scouts at your house in line for the video game merit badge.

  4. For the record, it's not a merit badge. Boy scouts have merit badges. Cub Scouts have belt loops.

  5. From the website:

    Belt Loop
    Complete these three requirements:
    Explain why it is important to have a rating system for video games. Check your video games to be sure they are right for your age.
    With an adult, create a schedule for you to do things that includes your chores, homework, and video gaming. Do your best to follow this schedule.
    Learn to play a new video game that is approved by your parent, guardian, or teacher.
    Academics Pin
    Earn the Video Games belt loop and complete five of the following requirements:
    With your parents, create a plan to buy a video game that is right for your age group.
    Compare two game systems (for example, Microsoft Xbox, Sony PlayStation, Nintendo Wii, and so on). Explain some of the differences between the two. List good reasons to purchase or use a game system.
    Play a video game with family members in a family tournament.
    Teach an adult or a friend how to play a video game.
    List at least five tips that would help someone who was learning how to play your favorite video game.
    Play an appropriate video game with a friend for one hour.
    Play a video game that will help you practice your math, spelling, or another skill that helps you in your schoolwork.
    Choose a game you might like to purchase. Compare the price for this game at three different stores. Decide which store has the best deal. In your decision, be sure to consider things like the store return policy and manufacturer’s warranty.
    With an adult’s supervision, install a gaming system.

    Some of these aren't actually that different from the ones listed in the post and the comments.