Resurrection Diet

Finally, a diet plan with 100 percent proven results! Eat your heart out, Jenny Craig.

True Meaning of Christmas (Plus Care Packages)

This was me during my first Christmas as a missionary. It all turned out well in the end as my suffering resulted in a couple of decent joke ideas.

Overlong Opening

I believe I've made myself clear on this site regarding my feelings on the numerous cliches we exercise while opening our sacrament meeting talks. (In short, I don't like them.)

That said, I think I would make an exception if I ever heard this over the pulpit.

Christmas Wishes

I've certainly done my fair share of jokes with missionaries on Santa's lap. This was my first.

Holy Ghost's Curfew

The whole "Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight" thing doesn't work out upon even the slightest bit of scrutiny. I mean, it is always the 12 AM hour somewhere around the world. If we used that logic, the Holy Ghost could sleep 24/7.

That's why I prescribe any trouble a country might have with missionary work due to the Holy Ghost's struggles to get his visa issues sorted out for that country.

Christmas Care Package

Here's the problem with slowly rolling out the missionary adventures of Elder Van Dyke one strip a week: you end up with a Christmas storyline in the middle of summer. (Of course you can avoid this issue by reading the whole thing in book form--order here.)

High Council Bedtime Story

The idea of the member of the high council giving a boring talk is quite the Latter-day Saint cliche. However, like green jell-o and the pinewood derby, I'm not so sure it's really very accurate any more. At least in my stake, the high council regularly gives engaging talks month after month. The thing is, in my line of work, I need cliches!

Good Day