Ward Newsletter

Just think of what a good old fashion muckraker could do with a ward newsletter editor calling. He could blow the lid on the great nursery snack scandal! He could get to the bottom of that stuff on the bottom shelf of the kitchen fridge. He could write a three-part expose on whether or not the air conditioning controls in the classrooms actually do anything.

Come to think of it, I think I know what I want my next call to be...

Early Morning Seminary Pillow (er) Scripture Case

Nothing says back to school like a general lack of sleep. This gag from my long-since out of print Mormon Life* book includes two classic Mormonads featured in the New Era.** I'm pretty sure I included them in the gag when I first drew it hoping they would help ensure the New Era would purchase the joke. (It didn't work.)

*Even the name is dated.

**This post is full of out-of-date references.

Chess

This joke was old when I published it over a decade ago in my book Mormon Life. It's absolutely ancient now. I know absolutely nothing about chess, but I remember spending a long time trying to line up the board to reflect a potential chess move with all the pieces in squares where they could hypothetically be. I'm sure someone smarter than me could tell me how well I succeeded.

Moroni Play

At our home, we try to limit screen time on Sundays. In that way, we hope to set it apart from the rest of the week. Unfortunately, the lack of external stimuli often results in scenes like the one represented in today's comic. Perhaps if I called it Captain Moroni play, I wouldn't feel so bad about it...

Resurrection Diet

Finally, a diet plan with 100 percent proven results! Eat your heart out, Jenny Craig.

High Council Bedtime Story

The idea of the member of the high council giving a boring talk is quite the Latter-day Saint cliche. However, like green jell-o and the pinewood derby, I'm not so sure it's really very accurate any more. At least in my stake, the high council regularly gives engaging talks month after month. The thing is, in my line of work, I need cliches!

Fireside

We are going way back for today's gag, which comes from my 2008 compilation of single-panel gags, Mormon Life. If you haven't read that book,* then this should be new to you.

*Based on sales of Mormon Life, there is a strong probability this is new to you.

Hie to Kolob

I'm quite confident that I'd stay awake through this talk.

Home Lunch

Did you know that most canned food is good long after its expiration date? Share that little nugget the next time your mom tries to get you to take food storage in your lunch.

E for Exit

Given the news of the last week, I pretty much had to publish a Boy Scout gag today, didn't I?

Sacrament Meeting Numbers

There is a formula to determine the amount of budget a ward receives from the Church. A big component of that formula is sacrament meeting attendance. Believe me, today's gag isn't too far fetched. And since a big chunk of the budget goes towards the youth, it's safe to assume the guy carrying the cut-outs is the Young Men's President.

Accepting Callings

Today's gag comes from the my out-of-print collection of single-panel strips Mormon Life. You can tell it's old by the flip phone the teenage girl is using. There isn't much of a shelf life with things these days.

Bald Eagle Project

Here's a patriotic gag for a 4th of July weekend.

Ward Potluck

Here's an easy joke on our culture's affinity for Jell-O.

Mission Preparation

Just remember, missionaries: you don't have to be faster than the dog, just faster than your companion.

Charity Never Faileth

There sure are a lot of girls' names that double up as qualities used to describe girls: Charity, Faith, Hope, etc. I've often wondered why this practice doesn't extend to boys. I suspect the reason is that nobody wants to name their son Glutenous, Lazy, or Sloven. Anyway, today's gag--pulled from the out-of-print Mormon Life*--considers one of the unfortunate byproducts of such names.

*You can tell it's out of print by it's going price on Amazon. They're asking $25 for it! (They're also asking $984.37 for the equally out-of-print A-Maze-ing Book of Mormon. I've got 150 copies of that one in my basement. If they ever find a market for it at that price, I'll be rich!)

Five Years!

This blog is five years old! To celebrate, I’ve selected my five favorite gags from the 250 plus I’ve published over the years. I’m also giving away another copy of my A-MAZE-ing Book of Mormon, but you’ll have to read to the end of the post to find out how to enter the giveaway.

Number 5

I cheated a little on this one because I’ve never run it on the blog before. It’s from my first book Mormon Life which you can occasionally find deeply clearanced at Deseret Book.

I’m including this in the countdown, in part, because it’s new to the blog. One of the things I am most proud of with this blog is that I’ve managed to provide something new each and every week for five years now. When I started I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to come up with another month’s worth of gags, let alone five years’ worth (to tell the truth, I’m still not sure month to month if I can come up with new stuff).

Number 4

No top five list could be complete without this one. To understand its importance to this blog and this cartoonist, read up on it here,  here, and here.

Needless to say, I fully expect my obituary to mention the fact that I published a pinewood derby gag in the New Era.

Number 3

I love a gag that requires a little thought from my readers. I easily could have gone with another one in this spot, but I think I’m partial to this gag because it celebrates a couple of my favorite Mormon artists.

Number 2

At the time I published this gag, I declared this my favorite gag I’d ever done. I still really like it. I think there is something telling that the mother snowman shaved her carrot nose for the jell-o salad. (I’m a little offended, frankly, that some Mormon intellectual hasn’t written a 10,000-word essay on it.)

Number 1

It’s so elegant and simple. I wish all my stuff was as good as this one.

Now, it’s your turn. Share in the comment section your favorite comic of the week featured on this blog and you’ll be entered into a drawing for a free book. Contest ends the moment I post on Thursday, January 30, 2014.

Ye Olde Ward Ball

I'm going in the way back machine for today's comic. This was one of the very first gags of mine published in the New Era. I was tickled to no end when that magazine selected it for a caption contest. So tickled, in fact, that I'm doing it again. Please submit your best caption to today's gag.

Two Months of Home Teaching

The only downside to this brilliant idea is that it only works on one home teaching family a month (er, two months).

Election Night Recap

So Mitt Romney won't be President after all. I've read all sorts of explanations as to why he lost and Barack Obama won and the one that stood out to me was that Romney's loose association with the Tea Party cost him the Election.

I can buy that. I mean why wouldn't a political movement named after a hot drink prohibited in the Word of Wisdom be problematic to the Mormon candidate?