Pioneer Travel Time

It really is a shame the pioneers didn't have a handful of magical reindeer they could have hitched up their wagons to. Just eight of those guys* could have delivered dozens of wagons to the Salt Lake Valley in minutes (and just imagine everything the Saints could have brought if they'd also somehow managed to secure Santa's magic bag).

*Nine if there's fog.

Mountain of the Lord

July is the time of year where we make fun of our pioneer ancestors (and the youth cosplaying as them) on this website! The mountain of the Lord has got to be a whole lot less appealing when your pushing or pulling a heavy handcart up it.

Pioneer Fast

Look at the calendar, we're now into July which means it is time for this website to publish gags making fun of the sacrifice the early Latter-day Saints made in settling Utah. (Yeah, I don't get it either.)

Today's gag is an anachronism and not just because seagulls haven't yet developed the ability of speech. During the early Utah years, days of fast were not held on Sundays but rather the first Thursday of the month. 

Come to think of it, very few of the things published on this blog are factually accurate. <Sigh> What have I done with my life?

Ward Cartoonist Survey

Dear Readers, I need you to settle a difference of opinion between me and my son. Is today's gag funny? Please answer "yes" or "no" in the comment section.

Pioneer Uber

The timing works, I did the math.

Today's gag is the brainchild of faithful reader Robyn L.

Law of Consecration

The idea of the united order actually came during Brigham Young's time, making this particular gag an anachronism. If you've got a problem with that, take it up with Eric V., Ava V., and Jena L. (they're the faithful readers that came up with this particular gag). Personally, I thought it was funny enough that I let it slide.

Boring Pioneers

We tend to focus on the tragedy of the Willie and Martin Handcart Companies when it comes to telling the story of the Mormon pioneers. According to some data I just pulled from the internet, Latter-day Saint pioneers traveling West had a mortality rate of 3.5% which was slightly higher than the overall U.S. mortality rate of 2.9%.

For many Saints, the trek West wasn't quite as deadly as we think it was. That's probably because we don't tell those stories very often.

Faith in Every Footstep

This one is either a day late or 365 days early.*

*Remember that 2020 is a leap year.

Pioneer Stories

Of course these stories are just the start of the exaggerations men are prone to share when they get together to reflect on the good old days. Included in their tall tales are the following:

"After I carried the entire company across a frozen river, I then went back and carried their teams of oxen too."

"My handcart was in such bad shape that I dragged it without wheels the last 400 miles."

"I don't even like crickets."

Did I miss any?

Walking Distance

The term walking distance probably meant something different to Brigham Young than it does to you or me.

Today's clever pioneer-themed gag comes from faithful reader Ray P.

Pioneer Children. Just. Won't. Stop. Singing.

Quite by coincidence, Kevin Beckstrom and I have both published gags about the old "Pioneer Children Sang as they Walked" primary song today. Happy Pioneer Day, everyone!