Just Smurfy

Did you know they released another Smurf's movie this summer? Hard to believe, but it's true. Personally, I lost interest in the Smurfs once they introduced the Smurflings (definitely a "jump the shark" moment from the original 1980s Saturday morning cartoon).

Testimony Meeting Hard Sell

It's so crazy, it just might work.

Ice Cream Chili Cookoff

Our ward sponsors both an ice cream social and a chili cookoff. Every year the Van De Graaff family dutifully enters both and every year we come home without an award (not even a participation ribbon). Any tips?

Eternal Meetings

I've been there.

Prophetic Beard

Let me say this about Prophets and beards: I am so grateful for David O. McKay for ending the whole beard thing in this dispensation. Just try to imagine President Nelson, President Monson, or President Hinckley with facial hair. 

Blessings on the Food

Last year my wife suffered violent food poisoning after a Relief Society pot luck. Naturally, I used that traumatic experience to craft a gag for this website. I do that pretty much anytime something bad happens at church. It has proven to be very therapeutic.*

*For me at least, my wife still won't touch any food at a ward activity.

New Sunday Schedule

My wife and I have this conversation every single week. Fifth Sundays really throw us for a loop.

Seagull Missionaries

It's been three years since my stake has been on Pioneer Trek, hence the lack of handcart jokes this Pioneer Day. Fortunately, we're scheduled to go again next summer.

Dr's Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit

After drawing this gag, I stumbled upon this one in the wild. It is funnier and definitely more biting. This is why Paul Noth is publishing in the New Yorker and I'm posting to a blog.

Hansel's Sacrament Bread

Poor Hansel and Gretel. Surviving their stepmother, the woods, and the wicked witch would be the first of their troubles. There is a lifetime of therapy ahead of those two.

Today's very funny gag comes from faithful reader Spencer V.

A Run on Zeros

This one is based on a true story. I was in a stake meeting where the opening, intermediate, and closing hymns were all from the new collection. As a result, the stake was one zero short. They simply flipped one of the tiles over to be blank. And voila, another gag! And this is why you never skip a church meeting as a ward cartoonist.

Burying Weapons of War

You have no doubt seen Studio C's Scott Sterling skit. And even though you've probably seen it dozens of times, you still clicked on the link above because it is never not funny. For whatever perverse reason, we find humor in other people's pain. Mel Brooks really was on to something when he said, "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

If today's gag works at all, it is because of the universal truth expressed by Mr. Brooks.

The Cryer

Every ward has one.

Compelled to Testify

Is today's gag the weirdest I've ever posted on this website? I don't know, but after 16 years of coming up with jokes centered around a small niche, I'll be excused for inching into Far Side territory.*

*It's far better than another Family Circus-like gag.

Telecamp

It's coming. I'm sure of it.

Run and Not Be Weary

If these guys are part of BYU's national championship cross country team then apparently the promise lasts for 3 miles at least. If, on the other hand, they are 50 some odd overweight cartoonists, then the promise lasts considerably less.

New and Improved Park Contacting

That would do it.

Gardening Help

Every year we plant a handful of tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, and squash in our backyard garden. I've got a drip line set up throughout the garden and weed block to prevent anything else from growing. Then I forget about it for three months until I'm can start enjoying the fruits of our labors.* Today's gag might be inspired by my lack of ability to grow anything without all sorts of modern gardening help.

*Vegetables of our labors?

Prayer Practice

Today's gag comes from faithful readers Spencer V. and Joe B. 

2025 Summer Movie Preview

Summer movies are right around the corner (Thunderbolts* is in theaters as early as tonight). This Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. It's time to publish my yearly summer movie preview!**

For the longest time I referred to the group of missionaries Alma recruits in Alma 31 as the Dream Team (named after the USA Olympic Basketball team of 1992). Like that basketball team, Alma's missionary force had a number of powerful missionaries who did amazing things on their own. And like the Basketball Dream Team, Alma's team also included an out-of-place end of the bench guy in Alma's son Corianton.***

Recently, thought, I've been referring to Alma's missionary force as the Avengers, a super power group who join forces for a special mission.

But now, I'm thinking the best name for the band of missionaries that Alma takes with him to preach to the Zoramites might be the Thunderbolts (without the asterisk, please!). The whole gimmick of the Thunderbolts is that they were all various levels of villains before turning to the light. Likewise, pretty much everyone in Alma's group (with the exception of his sone Shiblon) had a lot of repenting to do in their lives. Now we just need to find out if the Thunderbolts* are as good as Alma and Amulek's back to back sermons found in Alma 32-34.

*This isn't actually a footnote, the movie's title strangely includes an asterisk--a terrible thing for a blogger who's been using them for years. 

**A Summer Movie Preview that in 15 years has never actually previewed any movies.

***For the Basketball Dream Team, the out-of-place bench guy was Christian Laettner, one of the most accomplished college basketball players ever who was selected over more worthy NBA players when the powers to be decided that the team had to have at least one amateur on the roster.

*Again, not a footnote.