Bad Brakes

I rode some pretty awful bikes on my mission, although this never happened to me.

2018 Summer Movie Preview

Last year at this time, I was pretty much burned out from superhero movies. Now I'm all in. I guess that's what happens after seeing a couple of excellent superhero movies (Black Panther, Thor: Ragnarok) and a couple of very good superhero movies (Wonder Woman, Spider-Man: Homecoming).

This summer I'm excited to see Avengers: Infinity War, Ant-Man and the Wasp, and Incredibles 2. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Of course, summer movies aren't just about superheroes, they also include explosions caused by regular cops, secret agents, and paleontologist who have never been exposed to gamma radiation or radioactive spiders. Because whether superhero movie or not, what makes a summer movie is a lot of ridiculous, over-the-top action. Just imagine the changes Hollywood would make if it adapted the Book of Mormon* to a big screen summer movie:

• In 1 Nephi 7, when Nephi prayed for strength to burst his bonds, he would have burst his bonds with one of the shards impaling a disposable son of Ishmael henchman!
• Ammon's rescue of King Lamoni's sheep would have been filmed in slow-motion and would include a wise cracking Abish by his side (who would have been trained in the martial arts)!
• Captain Moroni would be pretty much unchanged (and played by the Rock)!
• Samuel the Lamanite would have to take out an elite force of Nephite guards sent to remove him from the city wall. This would involve him catching numerous arrows in mid-air!
• Mormon would have single-handedly saved the Nephite nation!

It would probably be a good idea to keep the Book of Mormon out of the hands of movie executives.

*The book not the musical.

Weekly Numbers

I'm not sure what the current practice is, but when I was a missionary, the weekly numbers we reported to our district leader (who then passed them on to the zone leader (who then passed them on to the assistants to the president (who then passed them on to the mission president (it's possible I've used too many parentheses in this sentence)))) were kind of a big deal.

With the recent changes to home and visiting teaching numbers, here's hoping that weekly missionary numbers have evolved over the twenty plus years since my mission too.

Mormon Secret Signs

We were recently at Disneyland and played this very game. Based on the other guys in BYU t-shirts and women in capris giving our family weird looks, I'm guessing most Mormons at the "happiest place on earth" do the same thing.

Of course there are other clues you can look for other than large clans, knee length shorts, and BYU paraphernalia in identifying a fellow Mormon at a Disney park. There's also the lack of Mickey ears (we're far too practical to blow $25 on something so frivolous) as well as a backpack full of outside-the-park snacks (again, on account of our cheapness).

Is there anything else that I'm missing?

Jedi Mind Tricks

I love pretending to be a Jedi. I can't help but make the little swishing movement every time I approach a store front with automatic doors.

Manna

After 40 years, I'm sure manna got pretty old. Of course, it was still preferable to quail.

I was working on a tight deadline with this one, otherwise I'd like to think I would have come up with a better title for the cookbook. Maybe you can have a crack at it.

One on One

It seems a little unfair that these two are playing winners out, doesn't it? Furthermore, if they are playing one-on-one street ball, chances are each basket is worth one point (threes are worth two). Making this an even more lopsided game than previously thought.

Young Women Theme

If you've every been in a Young Women's meeting or activity, you have a sense of how impressive it is to hear a group of Young Women recite the Young Women Theme.

P-Day Basketball

It's wholly appropriate that I run this strip on the same day as the NCAA national basketball finals. Go, fight, win!