Ward Basketball Trash Talking

It's been a while since I laced up my shoes for a ward basketball game. I assume this is what trash talking sounds like.

Bracket Buster?

Given the news that the NBA just postponed their season and that the NCAA tournament will be played without fans (if it is played at all), this joke might not work in a day or two.

For most of us the coronavirus became much more real the last couple of days. Just Wednesday alone, the Church announced General Conference will be conducted remotely (among other changes), actor Tom Hanks confirmed he and his wife tested positive for the virus, and Donald Trump grounded most U.S. flights to and from Europe. Be careful out there, everyone.

Today's clever gag comes from faithful reader Ray P.

Final Four Conflict

Would you look at that? It's my third basketball-themed comic in a row. Thus completing a stealth March Madness, a return to the early years of this blog. Since April 2013 when I announced I was retiring the March Madness basketball-themed gag on this website, I've published no fewer than eight more jokes on the subject.

Exercise the Priesthood

Hey, there's more than one way to exercise the priesthood. Although this way often leads to sprains, bruises, and hard feelings.

Your April 2019 General Conference Activity Packet

I don't know what kind of basketball player Elijah was, but he certainly was an all-star smack talker.

General Conference is now just over two and a half weeks away. Are you ready? Start now by downloading the Spring 2019 General Conference Activity Packet. Also available in Spanish (translated by the talented Gabbi Herrera), Portuguese (translated by the talented Dani Queiroz de Souza), and French (translated by the talented Sara Mayer).

You might also be interested in some other resources I have available for you and your family:

If you haven't yet subscribed to my weekly newsletter, you might want to consider to do so now. This year, the Ward Cartoonist Activity Page Newsletter is providing a weekly puzzle that corresponds to the Come, Follow Me curriculum. The Ward Cartoonist Newsletter provides subscribers with a free activity page every Friday morning delivered to your inbox to download for sacrament meetings, Family Home Evenings, primary lessons, or General Conference. Did I mention that it's free? Sign up for it here.

If you have Apple products, you might be interested in any one of the fine iOS apps featuring my artwork: LDS Coloring Book, LDS Laughs, LDS Scripture Heroes, and Book of Mormon Adventure.

You can also go old school with one of my activity books available at discerning LDS bookstores: The Puzzle Book for LDS Kids and Now That I am Baptized.

And finally, don't forget about my collection of missionary comic strips. Mission Daze is perfect for the missionaries in your life! 

One on One

It seems a little unfair that these two are playing winners out, doesn't it? Furthermore, if they are playing one-on-one street ball, chances are each basket is worth one point (threes are worth two). Making this an even more lopsided game than previously thought.

P-Day Basketball

It's wholly appropriate that I run this strip on the same day as the NCAA national basketball finals. Go, fight, win!

Ward Ball at Pearly Gates

Just think how much more serious some ward basketball players would take ward ball if they only knew that their cumulative win/loss record counted in the final judgement.

Just kidding, most ward basketball players already play like their play counts towards their very exaltation.*

*Personally, I'm likely slotted for the telestial kingdom (darn 3rd Ward!).

Diagraming Routes or Plays?

Hey, look, it's another ward basketball gag. I realize ward basketball season is over, but this was such a good idea from faithful reader Andrew M. that I couldn't wait until next year.

Ward Ball

There really isn't much difference between ward ball and collegiate football.

One Last March Madness Gag (Although Probably Not)

Two years ago I announced I was retiring the March Madness series of gags I published here every year in conjunction with the NCAA basketball tournament. And then last year, I ran two such jokes. Now, here we are again. One of these days I'll really follow through on that threat. Just not this year.

Personally, I'd love to see bishops participate on the priest quorum basketball teams. That would be the kind of comedy you could never get on a so-called humor site like this one.

David and Goliath (Church Ball Style)

Last year I swore off Church ball gags. And then I ran this Christmas gag. And then there's today's gag. Apparently, I'm really bad at follow through.*

Today's gag is featured in the January New Era.

*This probably explains why I never shot a good free throw.

North Pole 1st Ward Basketball Team

Last April, I swore off ward basketball jokes. This after I had produced over a dozen of them for my March Madness series of gags. I guess old habits are hard to break.

Signs of the Time

A couple of years ago I quit playing ward basketball. I suffered a shoulder injury diving for a loose ball that convinced me of my mortality. Well, this year I got the itch and decided to lace up my sneakers and give it another go. And you know the sports movies like The Rookie or Cinderella Man where the athlete takes a break from his sport for several years only to discover upon his return that in the interim he's become better than he's ever been?!

Real life is nothing like the movies.

I discovered that I am now a slower, less coordinated ball player than I was the last time I played (and I wasn't much then, either). Basketball isn't quite as fun as it use to be now that I'm permanently glued to the floor.

I realize that there is a time and season to everything and now is the time to walk away from the basketball court. It's okay, though, I had a good run.

Likewise, these March Madness comics have had a good run--five years now. But it is probably time to say goodbye to them as well. I've pretty much said all I can in the 15 gags I've produced. Come next March, I'll run some other middling gags in their place. Don't feel bad, though, just remember our "One Shining Moment".

Ye Olde Ward Ball

I'm going in the way back machine for today's comic. This was one of the very first gags of mine published in the New Era. I was tickled to no end when that magazine selected it for a caption contest. So tickled, in fact, that I'm doing it again. Please submit your best caption to today's gag.

Turn the Other Cheek

It's March which means it's time for another three weeks of basketball themed comics! This week's gag centers around a problem that, if the stereotypes are true, is rarely a problem for church ball teams: taking one's religion too seriously on the court.

General Conference Helps

After being convinced by fellow Mormon Cartoonist Kevin Beckstrom that BYU's basketball team will never make a Final Four, I have no desire to comment on today's March Madness gag.

Instead, I'll write about General Conference.

This year I want to make you aware of three General Conference resources. First, the LDS Coloring Book app continues to be a great way to keep children quietly engaged. The app has ten coloring books to choose from, including a General Conference themed one introduced just in time for this weekend.

It might be a stretch to call the LDS Laughs app a General Conference resource (in fact, it might be sacrilege to do so), but I'm just so proud of it that I wanted to mention it here. If you haven't downloaded this free app off of the iTunes store yet, please do so.

And finally, for any of you who might not have enough iPhones and iPads to distribute to all of your children or for any of you who (shudder) don't have any at all, you're welcome to print off my General Conference Activity Packet. You can find this 9-page packet at both Sugar Doodle and LDS Clipart.

Not That Kind of Judge in Israel

Sure, President, I'd be willing to sacrifice my Sundays and most weekdays; deal with heartache, conflict, and discipline in my ward; and struggle over tough financial issues of welfare; just, please, don't ask me to be yelled at by a bunch of LeBron James wannabes over every missed call.

March Madness and a Major Announcment

While the BYU basketball team was sweating out an unprecedented 25-point comeback Tuesday to play into the NCAA basketball tournament, I couldn't help but think that they wouldn't have this sort of problem had Jimmer stuck around for an unprecedented fifth-year. Fredette's exploits at BYU were so legendary that he probably created a run on the name Jimmer among Mormon families. Shoot, if we'd had a son born last year at this time, you can be sure there would be a Jimmer Van De Graaff crawling around right now.

For the fourth consecutive year, I'll be running basketball-themed gags for the next three weeks to correspond to the NCAA tournament. It's a good thing ward basketball provides a never ending source of humor.

Are you sick of my rambling posts and wish that there was a way to just get the gags without any of my commentary (please don't answer this in the comments section), well now you can!

Introducing LDS Laughs: the Mormon Cartoonist app for your iPhone and iPad! LDS Laughs provides you with nearly every Comic of the Week since the inception of this blog in an easy to scroll through format. The app is produced by my good friends at LDS Mobile Apps whose LDS Coloring Book you really should have purchased by now* and I couldn't be more pleased with it. Best of all, the app is free!

Please download it now (and don't forget to write a glowing customer review afterwords), you won't be sorry.

*I've contributed over a half-dozen 12-page coloring books for the LDS Coloring Book app. The app itself comes with two coloring books for $0.99 after which you can either subscribe for $0.99 a month to receive a new coloring book every month or you can pay $0.99 for each additional coloring book your interested in. Hilton Campbell at LDS Mobile Apps has done an incredible job with the coloring book app. It's better than anything else on the market.

Basket Making

To conclude this year's edition of March Madness, I'm digging deep into the vault. Way back in 2001, my first batch of submissions to the New Era consisted solely of missionary gags. When it came time to submit more gags to the magazine, I was content to continue sending them missionary gags, but I drew and submitted this week's comic at the last minute.

The New Era bought this gag and pretty much nothing else. After that, I realized that if I wanted to continue to be published in their magazine, I'd better start coming up with a variety of gags that touch on all aspects of the Mormon experience (except, until recently, the cub scout pinewood derby).

Today's gag, then, holds a special place in my heart. It, as much as anything, has played into whatever success I've enjoyed. So please ignore the dated reference to Enrichment and the awful coloring job and appreciate it for what it is.